September 1, 2023

Hi reader(s),

In this "back to school" edition of Notes to Self 2023, I reflect at the end of Summer Vacation on the State of the Self. Just underwent a necessary and probably more useful than I even know week of training in how to handle first aid and CPR emergencies, doing a live drill of lock-down, countering and evacuating in an imaginary (yet frightening) live shooter drill, review the legal responsibilities of the mandated reporting of child abuse as well as scenarios of bullying and harassment, writing injury reports to families, and learning how to take pictures and communicate in weekly reports, solving problems and puzzles with teams of new co-workers, singing karaoke and having that singing recorded and played back on a big screen, taking part in an all school promotional video where teams of us followed he school mascot, in costume, down the street onto the front steps and cheered as the theme from "Rocky" played in the background, taking part in a theatrical improvisation workshop, and reviewing and discussing the plan and philosophy of our school's new sex education program.

To say it was a stressful and at times overwhelming experience is probably fair. Looking back I particularly remember my dread at having to do the live shooter drill. The heart beats and adrenaline flows as intensely in the simulation as if an actual assailant with a gun was going door to door. In the end, I tied two door handles together with a jump rope and held onto the rope at the knot. Our group made a barricade to obstruct the imaginary attacker. We waited (the 12 of us in the room) until the air horn our trainers were sounding (to simulate gunfire) receded into the distance, and we could untie the door handles and run out to the safety of the evacuation point outside, presumably without having been shot. Having experienced creating safety through action was empowering, I can say now. Ultimately, it leaves a school employee with sense of well-being even though it was stressful. I guess in the end, that's how all of this bitter medicine was--hormetic stress--growth of the feeling of capability and confidence (and connection to the co-worker community) through unpleasant, and, it seems, non-injurious, experience.

To know that hard things can be dealt with effectively as a group is much better than just hoping they don't happen. To have to learn about and practice extremely stressful things while knowing there's lots to do in your classroom that you can't even get to to set up is a secondary kind of stress. But as I say, just like doing yoga trains you to do yoga more easily, handling stress (successfully) trains you to handle stress successfully. It's probably ultimately beneficial to stress test at the beginning, and get the bonding going with your team to better handle whatever may come, from the start.

The essay for this month Losing it at the Gate is about how I learned that doing a lot of yoga does not guarantee you won't lose it in a mortifying way, at some point.

Another way I help myself not lose it is making up songs (or at least the lyrics to songs) while walking to work. This recording was written on the walk to work on the first Monday after my teacher's summer break ended.

lyrics below:

I’ll be going to work on Monday
But I’ll know I’ll be staying home one day
But for now
I’m on my way

Gathering up my will and determination
Overcoming negative narrations
It’s how
We’ll roll today

Now when we’re getting past the obstacles
Of giving out the popsicles
To a large group of strong willed children
One phrase to not forget
You’re getting what you’re getting so don’t get upset now

Whee. . .

You must be strong and you must be patient
Even when you’re feeling that the walls are closing in
You take your time
‘cause what else can you do?

Oh as the heat gets higher
From the pan into the fire
As you’re waiting to begin
You see a storm start coming in

What can you do
But take your time
What can you do now, but take your time?

Notes to Self -- 2025

September 1, 2023

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